Sunday, August 25, 2013

How to Be Confident

There is no doubt you are unable to get what you desire if you don't spend enough time to learn how to be confident in whatever actions you take.

I am sure your confidence is the measure of your success. If you want to be successful in your life and business, it is your responsibility to know how to be confident and determined in your actions that bring you nearer to achieving your goals.

Dr. Sharon Melnick is a great person who can teach you how to be confident and which way is the fastest one to build your self-confidence.

As a business psychologist, Dr. Sharon Melnick is a leading authority helping business professionals move to the next level and have success under stress. Her methods are informed by 10 years of research at Harvard Medical School, sharpened by training in cutting edge stress resilience techniques and field tested by over 7500 clients and training participants.

Ms Melnick in her work shares the secrets of her research at Harvard Medical School as to why people get in their own way. This is the best way for you to learn how to be confident in your struggle for success.

Dr. Melnick notices that the time spent on trying to be confident is probably the reason which is keeping you uncertain in your actions. That's why she is determined to teach you how to be confident as fast as possible.

In Sharon's professional opinion, there are two ways to build self-confidence. We have the direct way and the indirect way to build it. And the reality is many people do the indirect way. Melnick gives it a shot to explain the difference in a very clear and graphical way. Thanks to her brilliant explanation, you can easily understand how to be confident.

According to Sharon Melnick, the indirect behavior is when you put your energy and attention into acting towards other people. You do it in order to get other people to act towards you so that you know how to be confident enough. The indirect behaviors are your efforts to either borrow confidence or to protect what you have. This way you don't build your real self-confidence. By implementing the indirect ways into your acting you don't get it how to be confident in life.

Dr. Melnick is sure that the fast way to build your self-confidence is the direct path. And here's how to be confident by going direct. You want to take all the directions you're going in and boil them down into one main result that you desire. I mean one core vision that is the most important for you. All you have to do now is to spend most of your time to make this vision reality. It is really worth it.

When it comes to learning how to be confident and doing it in the direct way, the best technique to achieve the results you need is to spend your time on thinking what excites you and engages you about the most valuable vision of your life.
You should make the picture in your head and imagine what benefits it is going to bring to your life when you start to see the result of it.

If you want to know how to be confident, you must answer the question what strengths and talents you have to make that vision happen. You ought to choose behavior that will most contribute in that moment to your making the vision happen.

If you really want to possess the knowledge about how to be confident, you mustn't forget that the fastest way to build your real self-confidence is to go direct.

How to Get Rid of the Ego-Self | Self Improvement

The ego-self or individual identity plays a pivotal role in self-development or self-improvement.

What is the ego-self? Where does it come from, and how is it created?

When you were born, you did not have an ego-self, which is personal or individual identity. With the development of the five senses (sight, smell, hearing, touch, taste), you began to be aware of the things and people around you through your perceptions. This awareness of self becomes the substance of your identity or ego-self, which is essentially reflected awareness of the things and people around you. In other words, your ego-self is built upon a reflection of "what" others think of you, as well as "how" your perceive what others think of you. For example, people around you say you are smart; soon enough, you will begin to believe that you are smart. For example, you have repeatedly made some good money on the stock market; before long, you will begin to think that you are a successful investor. This is how you build up your ego-self. But your ego-self is a mere reflection of the awareness of your mind. Remember, all your mental perceptions are stored in your conscious and subconscious mind. In your conscious mind, you consciously decide what you want to remember and what you want to forget; your subconscious mind, on the other hand, absorbs everything that you are exposed to, and it is your subconscious mind that controls the conscious mind. In other words, your perceptions, voluntary or involuntary, become the materials with which you build your ego-self.

As you continue to grow older, you have more accumulated experiences, whether they are good or bad, and your perceptions, whether they are conscious or subconscious, continue to be stored in both your conscious and subconscious mind. Given that your subconscious mind not only dominates but also controls the conscious mind, over the years, your subconscious mind continues to give you a reflection of what others think of you--or the ego-self you have thus created for yourself.

Unfortunately, your ego-self is unreal because it is only a reflection of your perceived thoughts. So, how do you get rid of your ego-self, or, more specifically, how do you know your "real" self? Fortunately, the real can be learned only through the unreal.

Once the ego-self is there, you will consciously and subconsciously do "anything" (to cheat, to do injustice to others, or even to break the law in order to protect it. An example is the once-celebrated but now dishonored cyclist Lance Armstrong. To protect and enhance his ego-self, he resorted to taking performance-enhancing drugs. In addition, you will do more than necessary (what the ancient Chinese Tao wisdom calls "over-doing") to make sure you will accomplish your goal to sustain your ego. Furthermore, you will anticipate in your mind's eye that things will happen the way you want them to boost your ego. The presence of the false identity often becomes the source of human miseries, such as anxiety, fear, disappointment, and regret, among other negative emotions.

The danger of the false identity is that once it is formed, it continues to seek attention from others. Sometimes you need not seek it; people are too wiling to give it to you. The ego simply feeds itself on attention.

So, can you get rid of that your ego-self? No, it is almost impossible once it is formed.

However, the good news is that you can be the master of your own ego-self: you can separate the illusion from the reality because it is no more than a reflection of social phenomenon. Essentially, it means it is a reflection of the conditioned thinking of society. The words "smart" and "successful" have little or no meaning other than the definitions attributed to them by human society; it is all in the mind. A mind that has no problem of its own can see through itself, can separate the truth from the illusion or self-delusion. A mind that is composed and relaxed will let you see your "real" self as opposed to the false reflection of self.

You need not strive to suppress your ego-self. Live in the now, that is, in the present moment, such as in meditation, and watch it with acute awareness. When your body and mind are in perfect awareness, as in meditation, your ego-self will gradually disappear into thin air.

Stephen Lau
Copyright© by Stephen Lau

Self Improvement | What Is Spiritual Well Being?

Physical well being is when our body is well tuned; we eat well, we exercise and we usually maintain our body well. We also can call physical well being our capacity to control well our capacity to "survive" in the world. We manage our money well and we are able to create the results we want in the world of business.

Mental wellness or well being means our mind is well balanced. We are able to think clearly and our thoughts are well organised. We see things pretty much the way they are. We are able to think logically through steps that will get us from point A to point B. Our actions are well structured and have a strong reasoning behind them.

Emotional well being means we are able to deal with our emotions effectively. We face them, we have the capacity to regulate our reactions to them and we can manage them well in our day to day activities. We are not controlled by them. When someone speaks to us in a way that we don't like, it won't ruin our day or we don't become reactive, we don't blame for our emotional instability.

When it comes to spiritual well being, we are talking about everything that is not physical, mental or emotional. The challenge with spirituality is that it cannot really be explained like other types of well being. Anything that is not in our experience, we can't really say we know it. If I explain to you what music is, you will never know what it really is.

You might know all different types of music, whether it's jazz, blues or classical. You can learn how to read notes and learn by heart all the instruments that exist. You still won't know music. Music is an experience, something that cannot be explained.

Spirituality is similar in some way to music; it cannot be explained. We as humans have the tendency to ignore or deny something that our mind cannot grasp. That is why we can do things that really hurt us such as creating bad habits or hurting people we love. We deal with life only to the extent that we experience it. If our mind doesn't grasp spirituality (which it won't) we simply ignore it and go on with our lives. There are many reasons for that and we will explore them with time.

Religion can lead to spirituality but it doesn't lead to it automatically. You can live a spiritual life, be on a spiritual path without ever going to any temple or place of worship.

Because spirituality cannot be explained, the best that we can do is to point towards it, never really grasping it. However it definitely is possible to walk towards it if we have the longing to do it and a minimum level of urgency.

So to define spiritual well being, I would say it's to experience a dimension of existence that is new. It's to remain in a state similar to the one we are when we are sleeping and be still very alert and efficient in the physical world. Spiritual well being means not being touched by the events that life throws at you because your experience of life is deep within you. The continuous outside storm doesn't get to you. You have a reality of your own, integrated to Life; you are aligned with life's foundations, not just the circus it creates.

A certain level of ease takes over you. You are not controlled by your emotions, you are not controlled by your mind or by your physical desires and you experience life to its fullest. This is what spiritual well being or being on a spiritual path means.